Tuesday, 23 December 2008

• Breaking up to benefit the other person. Yay or nay?

  I've been seeing my guy for about eight months now. We have not had the most stable relationship, but I wouldn't say things were not genuine. We just got off on the wrong foot.
  
  Mr. Right simply just came at the wrong time. This guy is everything I never knew I wanted (insert additional cliches here) and initially seemed to be able to comprehend everything I could or could not say. At the time of our getting together, this was a definite plus, as I was going through so much personal bullshit that having someone around who was understanding just seemed like fate. I have been 'hospitalized' twice this past 6 months for being emotionally unstable, partially due to a drug problem I was only beginning to overcome when I met him (this is how we got off on the wrong foot; I was out gallivanting on drugs and he was not about to put up with such behavior) and also due to my untreated bipolar II disorder. Once clean, we gave it a second shot, and he stuck by and treated me with respect despite witnessing what would have driven most other men away permanently.
  
  The problem: We now live together.
  
  He got kicked out of his house during my second stay in the 'hospital'- and since I have been out we have both been living together under my parents roof. My emotional problems are not only resurfacing, but the close proximity is aiding us in both boredom and fighting. I find him consistently disinterested, unable to talk, and....dun dun dun. Suddenly exhibiting shady behavior. (One day, he said he was going to his parents house. I called him to find out he was in town. Drinking with friends. another day I found out he had been talking to his ex behind my back.) The need for space doesn't scare me so much as the need to lie about it. We have never had issues where I have gotten upset over his going out, or questioned him about his whereabouts/doings of the evening- that is, until, recently when I discovered the lying bit (and things just weren't adding up in other areas, also)
  
  I fear that I have driven this boy far off, but that my mental condition and his living dillemma prevent him from leaving. We act like an old married couple, down to the lack of sex and constant bickering.
  
  I know that my mood disorder makes me sincerely difficult to deal with. I have caused many-a-boy anguish just trying to figure out how to calm me down, cheer me up, or shut me up. And I now see that even Super Man here cannot deal with it. I think I'm selfish for allowing myself to drag another down this road with me- I am not stable, still working on myself, and putting a lot of this personal weight of mine onto his shoulders. It simply isn't fair that if I am crying and yelling for no reason, a) he should have to deal with it. or b) should have to feel guilty for not wanting to be around me like this.
  
  I know that this is spiraling towards something catastrophic, and that it is mostly my fault. But, he did/does know what he's getting himself into. Part of me wants to break up now before I find out I've driven him to cheating or ruined him for life, and another part of me tells me that if he's unhappy he can grow the balls to make this choice himself. But, I do fear he may be being prevented by my emotional state/our living arrangement. Either way, I know that it is not fair to subject someone to this, and I love him enough to not want to be so selfish as to cause him unhappiness.
  
  Is it wrong to break up with someone you really love just to spare them?
  
  

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• Hi everyone! I'm just getting started on Datingish... Drop me a comment if you've got some ideas on what to do first - or just to say, "Hi!"

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